I was walking around the block in my neighborhood as I so often do when I saw a woman who was also walking, except she had a walker to aid her. I smiled at her and felt very proud of her for pushing forward despite her restrictions. It reminded me of a time I took my papa for a walk on a sunny day. I put him in his wheel chair and off we went. I remember thinking how just a short while ago I was using a stroller to walk my babies around the block. When had my life so drastically shifted? I was so happy to be in the sunshine and knew that it was good for my papa to be in the fresh air with the sun shining on him too. It was a good choice for both of us physically, mentally, and emotionally.
This morning I was talking to a friend who is in a very serious, heart wrenching situation as she cares for her daughter who is battling for her life. I listened for quite some time feeling helpless as she shared the pain and suffering she was going through. It was clear that she was depleted of her strength and experiencing something called caregiver burnout. I finally asked her a question. What are you doing for yourself? I don’t think she could believe her ears….what did I mean? Hadn’t I been listening? There was no time for her needs to be considered. After all, this was her daughter who desperately needed her.
I challenged her to look for simple ways to consider her own needs to refresh, recharge, and gain perspective in the midst of the challenges she is facing. I suggested simple ways to remember herself such as breakfast. Take time to sit and nourish yourself being present to ingest your food and appreciate the flavors. Put on some music and close your eyes for a few minutes while taking in an encouraging message through the lyrics or allowing some instrumental sounds to calm your nerves and bring rest to your body; maybe a quick prayer or a scripture to meditate on. Look for opportunities to be kind to yourself throughout the day so that you can give out of an overflow.
She had just done something for herself by calling me and releasing some of the frustration that had built up over time. I encouraged her to reach out to family and friends. She then began to tell me how she and her daughter would laugh after some difficult episodes that would bring them some relief. She also began to tell me of the people who were showing them love which eased the pain. The conversation ended differently than it had begun. Maybe for the time she didn’t feel so all alone.
